I used to be the girl that loved going out on the weekends, on Friday nights I would apply a pound of makeup on my face, strap on my favorite pair of heels and put on the tightest dress I could find in my closet. I would call my friends and convince them to go clubbing with me. I loved clubbing because I felt free, flirting with all the men in the club and getting them to buy me drinks. I love the attention that I would get from dressing promiscuously. I loved getting so drunk and making a fool of myself. Waking up the next day being so hungover, my friends and I would laugh about all the silly things we did. It got to the point where I hated being home alone, it made me depressed. If it was a Saturday night, and I was home alone with no plans, I would get anxiety.
It got me thinking, what am I trying to escape? Why am I afraid to be alone? Why do I always feel like I need to go out and get attention from all of these strangers? It’s because I was so afraid of being alone with my thoughts. I was overcoming a quarter-life crisis, and when I was alone, I would overthink every decision I made in life. It would drive me crazy, overthinking created a depression. I distracted myself to avoid being isolated. After all the bad nights and fights with friends. Everyone started disappearing from my life. Whenever I would call or text someone to go grab a drink, they would avoid me. All of my friends were busy, I felt forgotten.
I was forced to be alone, I was forced to face my fears and deal with my darkness. Yes, it was a dark and lonely road, but I've learned so much about myself. Instead of escaping my thoughts with distraction. I started being productive, staying consistent with my goals. Now I don't mind being alone because I’m one step closer to achieving my dreams. I don't mind staying in on a Friday and watching Netflix. I love myself and getting to discover a new me.
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